The Secret Diary of a Bonafide Marketing Genius

I’ve been meaning to post this for a week, then the smarties at NotCot.org beat me to it [*sigh*]. It’s a bit of Genius from Espresso’s very own Brian Kroeker, Senior Art Director & Jimmy Fallon look-alike [had to do it, Bri].

The task? Create a simple moving notice for an engineering firm.
The challenge? Make it inventive. Make it memorable. Make it worth talking about.
The genius? All of the above and more!

And now, for a moment of shameless self-promotion…

“Moving notice for an engineering firm” doesn’t exactly sound like a super-sexy, super-creative project for a Brand Infiltration agency like Espresso… and yet, the final product IS. Now apply that principle to YOUR current marketing challenges… and imagine what Espresso could do for YOU.

Attention brands, business owners, advertising agencies, and media peeps!!!!

I have some bad news. And it’s not about the financial markets, the election, or your expanding waistline. Nope—it’s far, far worse.

Are you sitting down? Good. Here it comes…

TRADITIONAL ADVERTISING IS IN A DEATH SPIRAL.

That’s right. DEATH SPIRAL.

Now before you freak and jump out a window (or worse—post nasty anonymous comments in reply to this statement), allow me to explain. And yes, to propose a solution… I am a Genius, after all.

Traditional Advertising’s “Death Spiral” can be attributed to 3 recent phenomena:
1.    Clutter
2.    Trust
3.    Social media

Let’s talk.

Clutter
I don’t know about you, but I hate clutter.

A little bit of nice, clean white space feels so much better.

If traditional ads were spaced like these last few paragraphs, they might actually WORK.

We might actually even ENJOY them.

But instead… most ads are more like this:
piledandsquishedrightontopofoneanothersothatwehardlyhaveachancetotakeabreath
letaloneprocessanyinformationordecodeanyoftheproductmysteriesorevaluatewhat
makesthembetterfastermoreeasiernewerDIFFERENTERorinanywaynecessarytoour
existenceonthisincreasinglyoverpopulatedplanet
GASPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!

Clear as mud? ☺

The worst part is that the Clutter Problem is escalating at a DEATH-SPIRAL-INDUCING rate.

Consider this:
In 1998 Google had an index of 25M pages. As of this summer, its index had hit the mind-blowing milestone of 1 TRILLION UNIQUE URLs.

A F**KING TRILLION!!!!!

Still more to consider:

There are >100,000,000 videos on YouTube.com—with >65k new ones being added DAILY.

In 2005 (most recent data I could find), there were roughly 40 BILLION product catalogs published. That’s equal to 134 catalogs for every man, woman & child in the US.

Yes, folks, the average person is exposed to some 3000 marketing messages per day… but the American Association of Advertising Agencies says we’re only able to absorb (at most!) 100.

And let’s face it, that’s probably an inflated number.

PS. 90% of people who can skip ads, do.

Yes, but most of those messages are crap. What matters is good creative. Killer copy. Pretty women with big boobs wiggling around to a HAWT soundtrack.

Ok… NO. Neither creative nor copy nor boobs—nor any combination of the three—are likely to solve the clutter problem. Besides… you’ve got 2 more hefty problems to solve.

Trust
“Lets talk about trust baby, let’s talk about you & me…”

People don’t trust advertisers. Period.

You know it. I know it. Let’s call a spade a spade and move on. But in case you’re still skeptical (or just plain crazy), here’s proof:

“In a 1998 Gallup poll rating honesty and ethical standards across a range of professions, advertising people ended up near the bottom, sandwiched between lawyers and car salesmen.”

SANDWICHED BETWEEN LAWYERS AND CAR SALESMEN, people!!!!! And perhaps, if we were to redo this poll today, they might change those to “Politicians and Pimps” (both of whom are better-dressed, frankly-speaking).

On the complete opposite end of the spectrum is the trust that most consumers have in the opinions of other consumers.

“‘Word-of-mouth’ the most powerful selling tool…78% of consumers say they trust the recommendation of other consumers.” - Nielsen, Trust in Advertising, 2007 Global Consumer Survey Report.

And the trend is particularly true among younger consumers—namely, the ¼ of the US population (ONE F**KING FOURTH!) who are 14-24yo and were born wired.

Raised in a time where “SPAM” and “COOKIE” don’t automatically conjure images of food, today’s youth LIVES and BREATHES online:

• They spend >16 hours online/week (online > TV)
• 56% spend >1 hour daily sending instant messages
• ¼ prefer social networks to F2F time with friends
• Have an average of 53 online friends (vs. 11 “close” friends)
• 96% use a social network DAILY

And they don’t care about your ad, people. They care what their friends think.

Trust me.

Social media
Ah… every traditional advertiser’s favorite topic! YAY! Let’s hug.

Seriously, now—it’s common knowledge that people don’t like intrusive, one-way conversations. What is traditional advertising but an intrusive, one-way conversation?

The paradigm is shifting. Fast. Hard.

Ahh… The Solution!

Should we make the logo bigger?

Craft a catchy new tag line?

More girls? Bigger boobs?

No, no, no, no, NO!

Traditional Advertising’s Terminal Illness (aka Death Spiral) shall not be cured by a larger helping of the Same Old Shi*t. You’re going to have think different. Act different. BE DIFFERENT.

REALLY DIFFERENT.

Start by shifting your focus more on branding and less on advertising. Yes, branding. That magical je ne sais quoi that ultimately results in the feelings/thoughts/attitudes that people have about your product/service/company.

You mean our tagline?
No.
Our logo?
No.
The killer copy on our website?
No.
…..Our tagline?
No.
Are you sure?
Yes.

Your brand isn’t what you say your company/product/service is. It’s what THEY say it is.

Branding isn’t advertising.

In fact, it’s more like… your child. You can’t control it (though it’s natural to want to try)… but you can [and should] certainly influence it, enable it, embrace it, and inspire it.

Start by listening. Really listening. No, REALLY listening.

There. Doesn’t that feel better already?

I decided this morning that if I must tolerate this brazenly idiot-ridden world day in and torturous day out, the LEAST I can do as a Bonafide Genius is acknowledge the scant flecks of brilliance that do occasionally grace my horizon.

In fact, I’ve decided to do more than acknowledge—I’m going to celebrate them, goddammit! If MTV can give out awards to the morons that claim 15 minutes of embarassing fame on Reality TV, then by golly, a Genius such as I can preside over her own goddamn award ceremony!

And so… the Annual Bonafide Genius Awards are born. Official 2008 Awards to be announced on August 8, 2008 (Get it? 8/8/08. Oh so genius, yes?)

I’ll happily consider nominations… post them in the comments or email them to me (mzkagan99 [at] gmail [dot] com). Please include the relevant Genius category (ie is it advertising genius? marketing genius? fashion genius? musical genius? foodie genius? etc.).

And just in case the lot of you are both stupid and lazy, I’ll throw in the first few nominations myself:

Music Video Genius:
Weezer, Pork & Beans video

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=muP9eH2p2PI]

Brand/Business Strategy Presentation Genius:
The Brand Gap: How to Bridge the Distance Between Business Strategy & Design

[slideshare id=326496&doc=brand-gap-1206773635115245-4&w=425]

Future Predictions/Conspiracy-Theory Genius:
Prometeus - The Media Revolution

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xj8ZadKgdC0]

…And now… I am spent!

Bon nuit, my dear friends.

It’s hard to be a genius when you’re surrounded by family. And numbed by food. And liquor.

Yet in spite of these challenges, I managed to elevate my thinking to at least curb-level for the average Joe or Jane. And here’s where that thinking landed (random but brilliant, as you’ll soon see):

1. Pharmaceutical companies have us by the balls.

Why? Because they know exactly where we’re weak. Where we FEEL. And they feel no shame, no restraint when it comes to poking us there.

Depressed? Our pill will drag you out of a suicidal stupor!

Impotent? Our pill will resurrect your love life and repair your self-esteem!

Fat? No problem! Our happy little pill will melt away the pounds and ensure you’ll be the envy of all your “friends” at the upcoming class reunion!

Dying of cancer? We can make that better, too! Uh… somehow.

Seriously, folks. If you’re looking for the secret to effective marketing, look no further than Big Pharma. They’re selling us a fairy tale of happiness and perfection like we haven’t seen since Barbie and Ken built their Malibu beach house… and we’re buying it to the tune of $350 billion per year.

You want a benchmark for good marketing? Benchmark Viagra, baby.

2. Smart companies are thinking “lifestyle” not “brand”.

Let’s face it: most companies are obsessed with the concept of “building or extending their brand.” It’s all about domination. Bigger, better faster… or all of the above. The problem with that is that nobody—but the company—really gives a hoot about the brand. Unless of course it enhances your personal sense of self-worth to have said brand plastered alongside your sunglasses (or your tshirt or car or other unmentionable).

The brands that have shifted their thinking toward the concept of “lifestyle” are, meanwhile, quietly winning the race. Which is why I think that ultimately, privacy issues will lose to the subtle and clever juggernaut that is otherwise known as “behavioral targeting”.

Takeaway message: Stop focusing on your brand, your product, or how miraculously cool and unique you are. Figure out what blood-curdling problem your product/service solves and describe that in the context of the torturously boring, frustrating, and otherwise unsatisfying lives that most people lead these days. Show us how it will TURN OUR LIVES AROUND!!! HALLELUJAH!!!

If you think I’m kidding, think again. And take a quick peek at the highly-profitable business of evangelical preaching, for further evidence.

3. CEOs, even the smartest and most successful of them, still share the same Achilles heel: believing that their uber-unique product can and will be all things to all people.

“No need to do market research or focus on a specific market segment: This widget is for E-V-E-R-Y-B-O-D-Y!!!”

Christ, if I had a penny for every time I heard the head of a company—large or small, young or mature—make that claim (implied or otherwise), I’d be a gazillionaire. Everybody thinks their brilliant idea will cure cancer, solve world hunger, and make them the object of Angelina Jolie’s (or Brad Pitt’s) desire.

And monkeys are flying out of my butt in big droves right this very minute.

Seriously, folks: if you want to blow a whole lot of money really friggin’ fast, then please, don’t stop for a second to think about your market or define it with any specificity. Launch a balls-out half-assed, totally generic marketing campaign that touts the wonders of your miracle product! Send your sales people on a wild goose-chase of “landing any account with a heartbeat and a bank account” and wrap yourself in the warm embrace of Denial, Ignorance, and Downright Stupidity!

Yeehah!

This kind of thinking, by the way, is what keeps me gainfully employed and my services in CONSTANT demand! So please… don’t stop!

4. Accept the fact that the way you do anything is the way you do everything: Half-assed or balls-out. Strategic or reactive. Creative or cliché. Know your strengths and cater to them. NOURISH THEM. Know your weaknesses too, and deal with them.

And for God’s sake, don’t be a lemming… Rise above the temptation to follow the heard and blaze your OWN trail this season—and the next. Trust me when I tell you that the worst thing that can happen to you isn’t a bad sales quarter: it’s having to hire me to help you out of the grave you just dug for yourself.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’ve noticed at least some of the buzz about corporate social responsibility and the growing trend toward buying from companies that reflect an individual’s values. Just the other day, BBMG published a report that states nearly nine in ten Americans believe the “conscious consumer” label applies to them.

Side note: The Genius disagrees. You have to have a brain to be conscious. Most of you lemmings don’t have one. Or at least you don’t USE it much.

So I felt particularly giddy this morning when I cast my eyes on the latest ad campaign for CREDO Mobile, a socially-responsible outfit that lives under the Working Assets umbrella and donates 1% of “your charges” (whatever that means) to progressive nonprofit groups.

The cleverly named “Say Much More” campaign launched last week in two markets, Seattle and San Francisco, and combines a nice mix of print, outdoor and online ads, running on Ideal Bite, Huffington Post, Evite.com and [hey, let's see if we can piss off a few conservatives! why not?!] Weather.com. The ads, which look like a text-message-gone-wrong, juxtapose common mobile-friendly quips with provocative political/social statements, inviting the reader to [what else?] “say much more.”

The Genius approves! Yes, folks, for a change, Madison Ave has produced something compelling, emotive, personal, meaningful, and simple—all wrapped into one neat little package. See it and weep!

Incidentally, the creative for this campaign was done by SS+K, who get double points for their cleverosity (Geniuses can make up words whenever they wish! So, zip it!) because of this: a guerrilla marketing effort that marries the use of their product with an entertaining spin on some controversial/sensitive social issues.

Here’s the 411:

As part of the campaign, Credo is producing political street theater in select cities using projected cartoon images on the sides of buildings drawn by political satirist Tom Tomorrow. Images of people such as George W. Bush and Dick Cheney are shown next to blank dialogue boxes. Passersby can use their mobile phones to text in what they think the characters should say and then the words appear as part of the images.

“The concept of [the projection] was about how the Credo phone is not an everyday tool but a tool for change. In launch areas we wanted to target social media, beyond the everyday voice,” said Alice Ann Wilson, design director, SS+K. “This is voice that contributes to larger issues. The text projection creates a sense of community where everyone can use their phone to actively engage in the brand.”

Love it!!! I may be an acrid-tongued genius, but I’m also a sucker for really good creative. Particularly when it’s inspiring, clever, and… uh… reflects my personal values. If that makes me a “conscious consumer,” so be it. Consciousness is one [and perhaps the only] trend this genius is willing to yield to.

In December of 2006, brand-building power-house JWT produced a list of “70 Things to Watch in 2007.” A copy of it landed on my desk earlier this year, and at the time, I thought… well, this is kind of interesting.

Being a genius and all, I dipped it in a healthy dose of skepticism and filed it away in my wait-and-see-what-the-idiots-think file, where it sat collecting dust until… this morning.

I am particularly fond of the intro that frames the list:

“As globalization continues to make our world seem smaller, localization will come to a head in 2007,” says Ann Mack, director of trendspotting at JWT. “We’ll put great emphasis on sourcing everything from food to textiles. Decadent and excessive consumption will fall to the wayside as we stress quality, minimal environmental impact and support of local producers.”

Right… and Hillary Clinton will ask Monica Lewinsky to be her Vice President, and a dozen purple pigs will fly out of my butt.

Of course the sad part is that I desperately wish Ann’s prediction came true… but then what in the world would I do for a living if there were no more interest in decadence and excessive consumption???

Anyway… here’s the list—with a few brilliant comments from Your Truly in bold. See how many of these things you’ve heard of—er, agree with. My personal fav has got to be #30: “brand sluts”. How and when did that become a cutting-edge trend???

Seventy Things to Watch in 2007 (by the folks at JWT):
1. Skype/VoIP
2. Wii and the next-generation gaming systems
3. The business of social networking (love it!)
4. Pop-up stores, restaurants and bars … installation style
5. Shrinky Dink technology (TVs are flat and hidden, iPods are down to half an ounce,
speakers are smaller and less visible, and so on)
6. The rise of nanotechnology
7. Sustainable construction/green buildings
8. Hydrogen fuel cell technology
9. Veggie-bus: school buses running on biodiesel fuel
10. Trans-fat fallout
11. Reality show talent searches (is that an oxymoron or what?)
12. Ohio State’s freshman basketball phenom, Greg Oden (who?)
13. Fear of agri-terrorism (Is that like, when McDonald’s runs out of Happy Meals?)
14. Halal foods
15. Participatory advertising (user-generated advertising and music video competitions) (love it!)
16. Premium-drink bars (thirsty just thinking about it….)
17. Organic fabrics
18. Stem cell research
19. Iceland (???? Really?)
20. Hybrid dogs (Dogs that run on batteries or solar panels? Huh?)
21. Locally sourced produce (how retro!)
22. Churchonomics: religion as big business
23. Reunions of donor insemination siblings (that’s an after-school special in the making, no?)
24. Hitting the off button: demanding downtime
25. Indian cross-over actress Aishwarya Rai
26. Home-schooling (EW!)
27. Natural building materials such as stone and wood
28. Binge chilling (sweet!)
29. Personalized diets
30. Brand sluts
31. Modernized tradition
32. Chindia
33. Alpha moms
34. Internet TV
35. Citizen journalism
36. RSS feeds
37. Fresh Direct
38. Google domination (Google as acquirer, and Microsoft as Google follower)
39. Mobile video
40. Rachael Ray
41. Inconspicuous consumption (like when I hide my copy of People under the whole wheat tortillas at the check-out line?)
42. X-Factor’s Leona Lewis
43. Dreamgirls’ Jennifer Hudson
44. Environmental causes
45. Companies going green
46. Barack Obama
47. Soft, natural hair
48. Microgeneration (generating one’s own energy)
49. Party planning for teens
50. Paying for user-generated content (sweet, maybe I’ll make a few bucks after all)
51. Higher-waisted pants
52. iPhone (this should have been at the TOP of the list!)
53. Co-branding (think Nike plus Apple)
54. Britain’s Amy Winehouse
55. The rebirth of raves
56. Energy-saving lightbulbs
57. Sacha Baron Cohen
58. Mash-ups (music, Web sites, everything)
59. Japanese apparel chain Uniqlo
60. Promoting “Brand Me” (uh… hello… that’s so 1999)
61. Ensemble TV casts (Ugly Betty, Grey’s Anatomy, Heroes, Criminal Minds)
62. Multilingual cinema
63. “Kidults”
64. Transformers (the movie)
65. Web-based microfinancing
66. Generosity (not that!!!!!)
67. Al Gore, the environmentalist
68. Unstrategic alliances (Paris and Britney, Tom and Brooke, Bush Sr. and Clinton)
69. Europeans getting fatter (it’s about time!)
70. Age shuffling (40 is the new 20, for example)