The Secret Diary of a Bonafide Marketing Genius

Attention brands, business owners, advertising agencies, and media peeps!!!!

I have some bad news. And it’s not about the financial markets, the election, or your expanding waistline. Nope—it’s far, far worse.

Are you sitting down? Good. Here it comes…

TRADITIONAL ADVERTISING IS IN A DEATH SPIRAL.

That’s right. DEATH SPIRAL.

Now before you freak and jump out a window (or worse—post nasty anonymous comments in reply to this statement), allow me to explain. And yes, to propose a solution… I am a Genius, after all.

Traditional Advertising’s “Death Spiral” can be attributed to 3 recent phenomena:
1.    Clutter
2.    Trust
3.    Social media

Let’s talk.

Clutter
I don’t know about you, but I hate clutter.

A little bit of nice, clean white space feels so much better.

If traditional ads were spaced like these last few paragraphs, they might actually WORK.

We might actually even ENJOY them.

But instead… most ads are more like this:
piledandsquishedrightontopofoneanothersothatwehardlyhaveachancetotakeabreath
letaloneprocessanyinformationordecodeanyoftheproductmysteriesorevaluatewhat
makesthembetterfastermoreeasiernewerDIFFERENTERorinanywaynecessarytoour
existenceonthisincreasinglyoverpopulatedplanet
GASPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!

Clear as mud? ☺

The worst part is that the Clutter Problem is escalating at a DEATH-SPIRAL-INDUCING rate.

Consider this:
In 1998 Google had an index of 25M pages. As of this summer, its index had hit the mind-blowing milestone of 1 TRILLION UNIQUE URLs.

A F**KING TRILLION!!!!!

Still more to consider:

There are >100,000,000 videos on YouTube.com—with >65k new ones being added DAILY.

In 2005 (most recent data I could find), there were roughly 40 BILLION product catalogs published. That’s equal to 134 catalogs for every man, woman & child in the US.

Yes, folks, the average person is exposed to some 3000 marketing messages per day… but the American Association of Advertising Agencies says we’re only able to absorb (at most!) 100.

And let’s face it, that’s probably an inflated number.

PS. 90% of people who can skip ads, do.

Yes, but most of those messages are crap. What matters is good creative. Killer copy. Pretty women with big boobs wiggling around to a HAWT soundtrack.

Ok… NO. Neither creative nor copy nor boobs—nor any combination of the three—are likely to solve the clutter problem. Besides… you’ve got 2 more hefty problems to solve.

Trust
“Lets talk about trust baby, let’s talk about you & me…”

People don’t trust advertisers. Period.

You know it. I know it. Let’s call a spade a spade and move on. But in case you’re still skeptical (or just plain crazy), here’s proof:

“In a 1998 Gallup poll rating honesty and ethical standards across a range of professions, advertising people ended up near the bottom, sandwiched between lawyers and car salesmen.”

SANDWICHED BETWEEN LAWYERS AND CAR SALESMEN, people!!!!! And perhaps, if we were to redo this poll today, they might change those to “Politicians and Pimps” (both of whom are better-dressed, frankly-speaking).

On the complete opposite end of the spectrum is the trust that most consumers have in the opinions of other consumers.

“‘Word-of-mouth’ the most powerful selling tool…78% of consumers say they trust the recommendation of other consumers.” - Nielsen, Trust in Advertising, 2007 Global Consumer Survey Report.

And the trend is particularly true among younger consumers—namely, the ¼ of the US population (ONE F**KING FOURTH!) who are 14-24yo and were born wired.

Raised in a time where “SPAM” and “COOKIE” don’t automatically conjure images of food, today’s youth LIVES and BREATHES online:

• They spend >16 hours online/week (online > TV)
• 56% spend >1 hour daily sending instant messages
• ¼ prefer social networks to F2F time with friends
• Have an average of 53 online friends (vs. 11 “close” friends)
• 96% use a social network DAILY

And they don’t care about your ad, people. They care what their friends think.

Trust me.

Social media
Ah… every traditional advertiser’s favorite topic! YAY! Let’s hug.

Seriously, now—it’s common knowledge that people don’t like intrusive, one-way conversations. What is traditional advertising but an intrusive, one-way conversation?

The paradigm is shifting. Fast. Hard.

Ahh… The Solution!

Should we make the logo bigger?

Craft a catchy new tag line?

More girls? Bigger boobs?

No, no, no, no, NO!

Traditional Advertising’s Terminal Illness (aka Death Spiral) shall not be cured by a larger helping of the Same Old Shi*t. You’re going to have think different. Act different. BE DIFFERENT.

REALLY DIFFERENT.

Start by shifting your focus more on branding and less on advertising. Yes, branding. That magical je ne sais quoi that ultimately results in the feelings/thoughts/attitudes that people have about your product/service/company.

You mean our tagline?
No.
Our logo?
No.
The killer copy on our website?
No.
…..Our tagline?
No.
Are you sure?
Yes.

Your brand isn’t what you say your company/product/service is. It’s what THEY say it is.

Branding isn’t advertising.

In fact, it’s more like… your child. You can’t control it (though it’s natural to want to try)… but you can [and should] certainly influence it, enable it, embrace it, and inspire it.

Start by listening. Really listening. No, REALLY listening.

There. Doesn’t that feel better already?

My newest startup adventure has seriously cut in to my blogging time lately… which means the 14 MILLION(!!!!!) people who faithfully hang on The Genius’ every word have been left cold, alone, and without even a teeny tiny Genius Snack upon which to nibble. [sigh]

Spanking for you, @viximo!

No, wait—scratch that. There will be no spankings for Viximo. They’d like that too much.

Instead, I will intentionally NOT talk them up to my legions of followers.

I wont mention the fact that they embody the Next Big Business Model or that they’re building the most kick-ass community of Rock Star design talent in the history of the world.

I wont glorify the notion that Viximo’s platform will enable online communities, gaming sites, virtual worlds, and others to generate hundreds of millions of dollars in revenue in the next 12 months alone.

I absolutely will NOT point out that Viximo is enabling major brands and ad agencies to connect with young consumers in an experiential, immersive way that builds brand loyalty, cranks the word-of-mouth engine, and *bonus!* even opens a new revenue stream.

And dammit I will NOT describe the opportunity that Viximo presents to online publishers, retailers, ad agencies, and interactive designers alike as a chance to drink from the udder of The Virtual Goods Cash Cow.

No f**king way.

For those of you scratching your heads, wondering what the f**k a virtual good is, well… I’m sorry, but I refuse to help. It’s not my place to explain that technically, virtual goods are nothing more than a series of 1s and 0s on your computer screen… or that those 1s and 0s collectively represent a $1.5 Billion market—that’s expected to exceed $7 Billion in less than 18 months.

I wont explain that virtual goods provide functional, expressive, and social value—or that they increase social interactions, and hence user engagement and time spent online.

I definitely wont point you to this article which projects that Facebook is expected to rake in $100 Million over the next 12 months—entirely through the sale of virtual gifts and myriad other virtual items (including my personal fav, food and gifts for my Fluff friend, Mar-Mar). Or this one, which celebrates Gaia and IMVU’s success generating $1M/month through the sale of virtual goods “ranging from puppy dogs to lightning bolts”.

I wouldn’t even consider bringing your attention to Second Life’s success with virtual goods ($80M annually), let alone that of our Asian friends like Nexon, which sells more Mini Coopers (virtual ones, of course) than BMW; or Habbo Hotel, which sells more furniture (virtual!) than IKEA.

Last but not least, I won’t bother regaling the efforts of retailers like Kohls, JCPenney, K-Swiss, and Sears, all of whom have celebrated notable success selling branded virtual goods on sites like Zwinky.com, Stardoll.com and others. I mean, really, who would be impressed by numbers like these:

•    2.2 million visits
•    1.8 million items sold
•    97,000 click-throughs to Kohls.com
•    ALL WITHIN THE FIRST 16 days!!!!

Clearly someone’s been drinking the Kool Aide.

But I digress… the reality is, I’m simply waaaaay too busy to spend precious time discussing any of this, and the fact is, it’s Viximo’s fault.

I’m sure they’ll regret this unfortunate [and awfully selfish] little faux pas. But in the meantime, I’m standing by my punishment.

Yes, rather than divulge even a hint of how HUGE Viximo is poised to become, I’ll say only this—they HAVE done ONE thing right: They were smart enough to hire a Bonafide Marketing Genius.

Even if they have been a little bit grabby during these first seven days.

Last night I had the distinct pleasure of presenting What the F**K is Social Media? to Boston’s own Ladies Who Launch. The presentation was very well received, and man was it FUN to drop the F-bomb so many times! So much so, that I’ve decided to use a healthy dose of profanity in every presentation I write from this day forward. Doesn’t that sound f**king Genius?

Cursing aside, I must admit that in all my many years of being a Bonafide Marketing Genius, never have I so personally benefitted from the magic and momentum of this beloved thing we call the World Wide Web—and more specifically, from the magic and momentum of it’s offspring: social media.

Here’s what I mean.

At 4:00pm on July 2, 2008, I posted What the F**K is Social Media on Slideshare.net. I then sent an email to about a half dozen contacts who I thought would be interested in the material, and asked them to “vote” for it in the “World’s Greatest Presentation Contest.” A short while later, it appeared on Twitter (thanks @TDefren!) and found its way onto a few blogs, including Three Minds, Sixty Second View, Robert Paterson’s Blog, and numerous others.

By the end of the day, it had been viewed about 300 times.

By the end of the next day (July 3), >900 times.

July 4: >2700 times.

July 5: 4000 times.

As of this morning, it has been viewed >15,000 times, embedded on 209 other sites, favorited by 200 people, and [at least for now] is the most embedded slideshow this month and is in the top 25 most embedded slideshows of all time.

Meanwhile, all this buzz has resulted in >150 new Twitter followers (from all corners of the world), dozens of new connections on LinkedIn and Facebook, multiple “expertise” and speaking requests (the Genius particularly loves those!), and a Monster Truck-sized boost in blog traffic.

Do I hear a “Whoop Whoop!” By golly, I believe that I DO!

Some of you may look at these numbers and say “Big F**King deal. Who would expect any less from a Genius?” Others of you may be drooling with envy, or frozen—like a deer in headlights—at the sheer awesomeness of it. But the truth, my darlings, is that it is amazing—a true testament to the global, networked, constantly-sharing, engaged community that is the lifeblood of social media. That IS social media.

In other words, I owe it all to YOU. And I thank you. I may not be able to fit my head through the door any longer, but F**K it, I’m grateful, and I’m thrilled! Yee-HA!

In addition to arming me with juicy numbers to share and inflating my already super-sized ego, my dear online friends have also submitted a few fantastic comments that I’d like to share.

First, there was this one:

[Identity kept private since the chap sent me this little gem via email, claiming he wanted to protect ME from embarrassment. I’m not kidding.]

“I say: F**k social media . From a personal point of view: the bubble will burst again and all that is left is face-2-face communication and interaction. From a professional point of view: a service or a product that targets the baby boomers for instance will not be sold over the internet. Check the stats… And only the top 10 of strong brands will survive via on line communication, creating buzz and brand awareness, not added value.

So, why should I get on the train? Give me one good reason ☺”

Um… did you somehow skip slides 6-44? Jesus, dude. I gave you 5 REALLY good reasons—which is 5 reasons more than you have for being such a dumbass.

And this one from Roger Martin:

Terrific f**king presentation. Marta, will you run for President … please? I’m a former political and investigative journalist who has owned and managed PR firms for the past 17 years. We are leaping into social marketing, and I’ve made your slideshow required viewing for all staff. (Maybe they’ll stop hitting the porn sites?)

To which I can only respond… No, Roger, they will never stop hitting the porn sites. But a guy can dream.

Still working on the Bonafide Genius Award nominee list (don’t forget to email me your nominations), but in the meantime, I thought I’d satisfy your instant-gratification itch with a daily mini-award. Today’s B.G. goes to Andy Sernovitz of GasPedal for reminding us how we can make friends.

PS. I also enjoyed Glenn(?)’s comment in response to Andy’s post:

Whoa now! Let’s look at it from the big box’s perspective. What if they allowed you to park on their property and then, as you were getting out of your car, you were struck on the head by a meteorite! They could get sued. This is what happens when you let the lawyers have too much sway.

Excellent point, Glenn. Perhaps you, too, are a Genius in the Making.

I decided this morning that if I must tolerate this brazenly idiot-ridden world day in and torturous day out, the LEAST I can do as a Bonafide Genius is acknowledge the scant flecks of brilliance that do occasionally grace my horizon.

In fact, I’ve decided to do more than acknowledge—I’m going to celebrate them, goddammit! If MTV can give out awards to the morons that claim 15 minutes of embarassing fame on Reality TV, then by golly, a Genius such as I can preside over her own goddamn award ceremony!

And so… the Annual Bonafide Genius Awards are born. Official 2008 Awards to be announced on August 8, 2008 (Get it? 8/8/08. Oh so genius, yes?)

I’ll happily consider nominations… post them in the comments or email them to me (mzkagan99 [at] gmail [dot] com). Please include the relevant Genius category (ie is it advertising genius? marketing genius? fashion genius? musical genius? foodie genius? etc.).

And just in case the lot of you are both stupid and lazy, I’ll throw in the first few nominations myself:

Music Video Genius:
Weezer, Pork & Beans video

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=muP9eH2p2PI]

Brand/Business Strategy Presentation Genius:
The Brand Gap: How to Bridge the Distance Between Business Strategy & Design

[slideshare id=326496&doc=brand-gap-1206773635115245-4&w=425]

Future Predictions/Conspiracy-Theory Genius:
Prometeus - The Media Revolution

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xj8ZadKgdC0]

…And now… I am spent!

Bon nuit, my dear friends.

“Flying is for pigeons.”

The genius couldn’t agree more. And so continues my love affair with JetBlue: the ONLY airline that doesn’t totally suck.

(Caveat: I have not flown on Virgin, though I hear they’re decent. If you can afford them, that is.)

Here’s what I love about JetBlue:
1. They don’t suck.
In an industry teeming with crap-ass customer service, cranky employees, and disgruntled travelers, JetBlue stands alone as a shiny beacon of goodness. Their employees actually SMILE at you. They provide snacks that don’t make you want to hurl. They even give you—yes, even you, coach flyer—your very own satellite tv and a shiny, new leather seat. Throw in reasonable fares and a super-friendly brand experience… well, there just aint nothin’ sucky about them.

2. They are unique.
Uh… Refer to point #1 above.
3. They are a cool, fun brand that “gets it.”
Unlike their competitors, JetBlue has nailed the problem—and solved it. If you want to be treated like cattle (but charged like royalty), fly another airline. If you want to actually enjoy air travel, try JetBlue.

They name their airplanes (last time I jetted on Big Apple Betty). They tell jokes. And not in a cheeky, forced kind of way. It’s authentic. It’s… [dare I say it?]… GENIUS!

(Side note: Can someone please explain to me why so many consumer brands are so lame? Why? Why? WHY? It’s criminal, I tell you.)

Why all this gushing about JetBlue, you ask?

Allow me to explain:
Yesterday, I was riding home on the subway when I noticed “Happy Jetting” ads plastered up and down the car. Normally, subway ads bore the genius to tears (or annoy me, I’ll be honest), but this campaign… this campaign instantly caught my eye.

Can you remember the last time you found an advertisement so entertaining that you wished for more? I didn’t think so.

After reaching my office, I did some research on the geniuses behind the Happy Jetting campaign (hats off to JWT New York for the creative an Mr. Youth for the crafty guerrilla programs)… then promptly wrote a love letter to Andrea Spiegel, Vice President of Marketing for JetBlue Airways.

Ok, not really… but I thought about it.

Which brings us to the moral of today’s story: What distinguishes good branding (and good creative for that matter) from… well, the rest of that dreck you wanna-bes torture me with?

Ready? Got your pen and paper out? Here it is:

Good branding isn’t about glossy photos, sexy supermodels, celebrity cameos, or wacky-for-the-sake-of-being-different [and therefore largely pointless] concepts. It’s about making you feel.

Or in this case… making you laugh.

Not in a random-unrelated way… but in a totally on-point, brand-centric, so-true-that-it-hurts kind of way. And so, once more, I give the folks behind the Happy Jetting campaign a standing Genius ovation.

And now… gotta jet!

Has nobody but me heard the expression, “You can’t please everybody”????

My guess is that most CEOs, particularly those of VC-backed tech start-ups have the misguided notion that they’re GOD (notice there are an equal number of letters: G-O-D… C-E-O), and therefore can will their way into the hearts, minds, and pocketbooks of every dumb-ass in America.

News Flash:
Even the Big Guys can’t please everybody.

So why would you think that a little embryo of a start-up, with a little embryo of a marketing budget (and staff) could succeed with the cast-a-wide-net approach?

Honestly, people: it’s Marketing 101. Choose a target audience! One that you could wrap your narcissistic little arms around.
One that you could actually DESCRIBE, beyond the boring, big demographic qualifiers.
One that you could pick out of a line-up.
One that you know exactly where to find (online and off).
One that needs and wants your product/service as desperately as Britney wants to be photographed without her knickers.

And then… once you’ve engendered their loyalty and ensured that you and this target audience are permanent BFFs, then [and only then!] begin to expand your net.

Think of it as a little series of concentric circles… a ripple that starts with one teeny stone as it hits the surface of calm waters.

NOT a fucking boulder that flops, splashes, and sinks to the bottom, never to be heard from again.

DUH!