The Secret Diary of a Bonafide Marketing Genius

AUTHOR’S NOTE:
The following blog post was written just over a year ago (November 8, 2007, to be exact), during a time when the economy was not yet in the crapper and this thing called “social media” was still rather nebulous for most. And since I’m too busy to write something new a lot has changed in the last 365 days, I thought it would be just chummy to revisit my obsession… which you may have guessed has hardly waned.

Being a Genius and all, it’s not surprising, really, that the words I wrote a year ago are even more true today. The coolest part? Those numbers I posted re Facebook etc—they’ve more than doubled—and show no sign of slowing down.

God, I love it when I’m right.

***

Is it just me or is the social media bubble expanding faster than Kirstie Allie’s waistline?

Between the buzz around Facebook’s recent $15 billion valuation, the hype about their much-anticipated advertising platform, and the steady stream of “one-of-a-kind” social media companies popping up daily, it does feel a bit like we’re all drinking the Kool-Aid.

Heck, even Oprah and Martha Stewart have hopped on the bandwagon.

With every Tom, Dick and Harry Venture Capitalist throwing their money at the next-best social media monolith, it’s easy to lose site of the fact that we’re not just in the thick of an investment-frenzy; we’re part of a revolution.

Social Media = Democracy
The internet is—in a very real way—becoming democratized (at last!). Not only can you reach virtually anyone, anywhere or get information about anything online these days… but you can actually participate! Have a voice! Share all of your [boring, ridiculous, unnecessary... or in my case, totally brilliant] opinions about everything from the HDTV you just purchased to the color of the lint you just found in your bellybutton.

It’s democracy in it’s purest form: everyone truly has a voice. No longer can we blame “the media” for drowning us in propaganda or tricking us into poor choices. (Instead, we can blame our friends, colleagues, and the self-proclaimed experts and “bonafide geniuses” whose blogs we foolishly read.) Where once you had to be famous, infamous, or very well connected to get in the public eye… now, you just need a live internet connection and a desire to express yourself.

Wrote a book? Self-publish it!

Took a picture? Post it on Flickr!

Aspiring filmmaker, actress, or musician? Whip up a sample video and pop it on You Tube!

Pissed off about the crap PC you bought and the even crappier Vista operating system that came with it? Post your raving mad feedback on Microsoft’s website!

Sure, everyone has a voice. But is anyone listening?
As the social media phenomenon gains momentum, so do the possibilities. The question is… beyond our own vanity and relentless desire to be entertained, is there any real purpose to all this “interaction”? Does anybody really care to watch, read, and listen to all this User Generated Noise?

Yes, yes, and undeniably YES!

Side note: I would assume that our sick fascination with reality TV is also responsible for fueling our fascination with social media (guilty!). If I were a geneticist, I’d place my bets on a single gene being responsible for both of these guilty pleasures—and probably for all the neck-craning that happens when we drive by car wrecks, too. But I digress…

Our appetite for new venues in which to assert our brilliance, our uniqueness, and our popularity is virtually boundless:

• 50 million Facebook users
• 3500 photos added to Flickr per minute
• 55 million YouTube users (11.6 million of these are over the age of 55)
• 713,00 daily active users of the iLike application on Facebook, which allows users to share, rate, and recommend music. Another 15 million registered users on iLike.com

Apparently, we have a lot of opinions and we’re not shy about sharing them. How very American.

Social media will save the world… Now what?
Even if I’m wrong about what drives our interest in both contributing to and consuming the social media bubble (though being a genius, I am very rarely wrong), this much is indisputable: it’s not going away.

If you’re a smart marketer (and let’s face it—most of you aren’t), you’ll get on the ball lickety split and formulate a solid strategy for leveraging this growing phenomena… bearing in mind, of course, that the rules ain’t the same old rules that have made you the fat, lazy dinosaur that you are.

For starters, forget about “positioning” or “packaging” or any of the other P’s you learned about in Marketing School. Social media scoffs at these! The power of User Generated Content embraces a more democratic set of values: like sharing, engagement, authenticity and community.

I’d love to tell you more, but I haven’t updated my Facebook status in at least an hour and my Photobucket upload is almost done…

No time to share much Genius today… too much excitement around the TechCrunch article highlighting Viximo’s turnkey virtual goods solution as a “massive monetization opportunity” and the growing excitement around the launch of our first iPhone apps.

But I couldn’t resist sharing some fresh data in support of all the recent “social media hype”.

And so… at the risk of further alienating the readers who told me “social media is a crock” earlier this month, called me “warped,” and threatened to bite me (you KNOW who you are!)… I present you with these tasty nuggets:

• 3/4 of US online adults now use social tools to connect with each other (compared with just 56% in 2007). On average, they spend one hour per week using these tools; however, 19% [and growing] are averaging 7 HOURS PER WEEK. [source: Forrester Research, October 2008]
• 75% of Fortune 1000 companies with Web sites will have undertaken some kind of online social-networking initiative for marketing or customer relations purposes in the next year. [source: Gartner, October 2008]

But don’t take it from me, take a peek at Shiv Singh’s (former colleague and current VP, Social Media, Razorfish) presentation deck from the recent Publisher’s Summit, which dives deeper into what marketers should know as the social media landscape shifts [and evolves!] around them.

[slideshare id=496437&doc=razorfishpublisherssummit-1225042046475871-8&w=425]

When you’re done with that, hop over to Pete Kim’s blog (also a former colleague from Razorfish. Coincidence???) where he’s curating The Mother of All Lists of corporate SMM efforts (not to be confused with corporate S&M efforts. That’s a different blog). I suspect that curating this list will become a full-time job for a team of many in the not-too-distant future.

But then, I’ve been drinking “seriously poisoned Kool-Aid.” Ahem.

If you’ve arrived here quite by accident and are feeling cold, confused, and alone, I might suggest you start at the beginning—with a quickie tutorial on just what the f*ck this whole social media thing is (brought to you by Yours Truly).

[slideshare id=496437&doc=whatthefissocialmedia070208-1215026815612657-8&w=425]

Or, you could continue to bury your head in the sand. Your choice, tots!

In response to the weekly deluge of soft (and sometimes hard) product pitches that the Genius has been receiving lately, I’ve decided to once again whore myself out for the Greater Good. No, not the old fashioned way, dirtball.

What I mean is this:

Rather than saying “no” to virtually every request I get to “review” a product or “comment” on a brand, I am going to start saying yes, effective immediately, to those products/services/brands that agree to donate $100 to Doctors Without Borders (one of my most beloved nonprofit organizations).

I’m calling it the “Blog About Me” Program (clever, no?)

Why would a company pay $100 to have me blog about them?

ARE YOU KIDDING????

Now I’m not claiming to be more influential than USA Today, but, as I’ve pointed out previously… I’m kind of a big deal. People know me. My apartment smells of rich mahogany… and I have many leather-bound books.

Ok, but seriously. The Network Effect is HUGE.

According to LinkedIn, I’m connected to nearly 6,000,000. And while they don’t all read my blog, a good number do. Add in my connections on Twitter and Facebook (the other 2 social media tools that I use most frequently), and you’ve got access to virtually everyone on the planet. Even Kevin Bacon ;).

So what exactly does that $100 “buy” you?

Doctors Without Borders says that $100 buys infection-fighting antibiotics to treat nearly 40 wounded children. Or vaccinations for 100 people against meningitis, measles, polio, or other deadly epidemics.  Or two high-energy meals a day for nearly 500 children.

And that same $100 guarantees that I will spend time getting to know your product/company, and then… I’ll blog about it. I’ll Tweet about it. I’ll share it with my friends on Facebook and LinkedIn. I might even send out a good ole fashioned email, if that sort of ‘old school’ communication is warranted.

In other words, $100 ensures that conversations will be started. They’ll travel. And in the meantime, you’ll be making a tax-deductible contribution to an extremely worthy cause.

Geez, when I put it that way, $100 seems like a go**amn bargain! Sign me up >>

A Few Words of Warning & One Disclaimer
Sorry, the lawyers insisted.

1. Lest there be any concerns about my profiting from this activity, I’ve set up the whole ‘donation thing’ via Firstgiving.com. The money you donate goes straight from your bank account to theirs. At the conclusion of this program, Firstgiving will send a check for 100% of the proceeds minus a nominal transaction processing fee, directly to each organization. Read more about Firstgiving here.

2. Lest there be any concerns about my objectivity in reviewing your product/service etc, allow me to assure you: I WON’T BE. This aint Consumer Reports, people, this is The Secret Diary of a Bonafide Marketing Genius. I tell it like I see it. If your product sucks, I’ll say so. Which leads me to my next point…

3. If your product sucks, I suggest you improve it before sending it my way. I will be merciless. I will poke fun. I promise. On the other hand, if your product kicks a**, I will sing its praises. Either way, the only thing I can promise you for sure is that I. Will. Be. Relentless. Either way, you will SO get your money’s worth.

4. The opinions expressed on this blog are SOLELY THE GENIUS’. They do not reflect those of my clients, colleagues, employers, relatives, friends, neighbors, or state/federal representatives. At least not as far as I know.

And now… let the whoring begin!

I got this entertaining email a few months ago from a fellow marketer who is an admitted novice in the world of social media. He asks, in the simplest of terms, Whether Facebook is in fact A “Power Tool” or a “Black Hole” of Wasted Time.

-An excellent question that even the savviest among us has surely [at some point] asked!

I’ve been too busy dealing with idiots clients to get back to him, but I thought, perhaps sharing this with you all—you Geniuses-In-Waiting—would spark a healthy discussion.

And so… please, take a read:

Dear F**king Marketing Genius,

I have just voted for your f**cking presentation, which is, of course, f**cking genius. Plus, I’m forwarding it to a client of mine who’s asking about blogging, and will therefore make me look like a f**cking genius. Or maybe just an old F**ck. Which is what you’ll think if you read on…

One of the frameworks that helped me understand the power of social media is that of the many-to-many learning model. If I have a problem with my Mac (rarely, but it happens), I don’t go to the Mac website. I seek out other users online, and get an instant read not just on the problem and solution, but how to feel about it. How pissed off/happy should I feel about my computer problem/new feature? And who should I thank or say “f**ck u” to? There’s an emotional content as fellow consumer that’s very valuable here. I’m learning from a whole community, not just one bored academic who half-answers my question.

But try as I might, and this is a question for you, o marketing genius, there are some aspects of the SM thing I do not get. A friend of mine signed me up for Facebook. Okay, I’m game, I fought LinkedIn for a couple of years until it actually brought me some very lucrative contracts. So I joined Facebook, or “MyFace”, as I was calling it for awhile until some savvy sprite like you clued me in. Soon after, I started getting emails saying that so and so had bought me a cocktail, somebody else had bitten me, others gave me hugs and kisses. Not a real cocktail, mind you. A mocktail I couldn’t even drink. And, as far as I know, they actually did have to buy it. I think.

What is this? This isn’t the many-to-many learning model I thought would change the world. It’s using the vast power of the internet to waste my valuable time! I’ve heard about another site that allows you to record your every trivial moment for your friends and all eternity. There’s a guy over at MIT doing this, too. It’s like Bucky Fuller’s Dymaxion Chronofile gone crazy, which is sort of an oxymoron in the first place.

Anyway, O Marketing Genius, throw me a line. Give me a clue. Facebook? Why?

Yours in Perfidy and CussWords,

J.

Being the Genius that I am, I have plenty o’ answers to offer my pal J to his well-expressed question. But I’m curious… what do YOU think?

What value [if any] do you see in Facebook as a tool for connecting and engaging with your clients, customers, employees, colleagues, and friends? For building brand awareness? For building your business?

Or is it, as J worries, just another way to waste valuable time?

Today is the last official date for voting in the “World’s Best Presentation Contest” on SlideShare. (Speaking of which… if you haven’t yet voted for “What the F**K is Social Media?!”, DO IT NOW!!!)

Shameless self-promotion aside (but only for a minute), I thought this was a good time to address some of the questions and understandable skepticism that emerged in response to the not-so-subtle messages in said presentation.

So—let’s separate fact from fiction (or at least fact from hyperbole), shall we?

The first batch of “that can’t be right” criticism (and downright bitch-i-tude—you know who you are) was doled out in response to the following statements (from slides 11-16):

73% of active online users have read a blog

45% have started their own blog

39% subscribe to an RSS feeds

57% have joined a social network

55% have uploaded photos

83% have watched video clips

And now, for the shocking truth:
The Genius herself was more than a bit surprised by these numbers. You might even say they were the inspiration for the big ole “F**K!” that became the content of slide 46.

But the fact is, I didn’t pull them out of my cute little ass… they actually came from Universal McCann’s Comparative Study on Social Media Trends, April 2008, and they’re based on a series of surveys they conducted with over 17,000 respondents across 29 countries.

In Universal McCann’s own words:

“All surveys are self completion and the data collected is entirely quantitative. Every market is representative of the 16-54 Active Internet Universe. In this Wave 17,000 internet users in 29 countries were interviewed. To be included you need to be using the internet everyday or every other day.”

So, there!

The next pile of skeptical poo was flung at these juicy tidbits:

Only 18% of TV ad campaigns generate positive ROI

90% of people who can skip TV ads, do.

Only 14% of people trust advertisements

And did these little beauties come from betwixt my perfectly peach-shaped buns?

Again—NO.

They came from a useful little book called Connected Marketing: The Viral, Buzz and Word of Mouth Revolution by Justin Kirby and Paul Marsden (buy a copy here).

Just for giggles, take a look at some of the other painfully compelling data you’ll find within its pages:

Average return in sales for every $1 spent on advertising: 54 cents!!!

The increase in TV advertising costs (CPM) in the past decade: 256%

Proportion of B2B marketing campaigns resulting in falling sales: 84%

The increase needed in advertising spend to add 1-2% in sales: 100%

Say it with me now: YIKES!!!!!!!!!!

Last but not least, a few people got their panties all in a bunch about the use of http://www.mystarbucksidea.com and the apparent lack of “real” case studies or ROI data.

[Here’s me rolling my eyes]

So, fine, I’ll satisfy your incessant and moderately annoying need for numbers by providing you with a few details on NikePlus.com (others to follow in future posts—maybe). If you want to learn more NOW, you’ll just have to hire me or invite me to speak at your next event.

Here goes:

The Genius Behind NikePlus.com!

Nike’s social media play did two things that most brands fall shamefully short on:

1) They created a playground for anyone passionate about the activity enabled by the product (whether they owned Nike products or not)
2) They enabled relationship-building with consumers who do own their product(s) that goes way beyond the initial purchase.

And here’s how they did it….

First, the smart folks at Nike recognized 3 simple things about their target audience:

1. People who love to run, love to listen to music while running
2. People who love to listen to music while running typically use an iPod to do so
3. People who love to run like to measure and track their distance/time

Next, the smart folks at Nike created an online experience that caters directly to these three user objectives. They partnered with Apple to bring iTunes into the mix, offering celebrity running mixes (and a whole lot more), and developed products and online tools (like the ability to track runs, challenge other runners in the community, and engage in competitive events locally) that supported and enhanced the offline experience.

Since its launch in May 2006, the NikePlus.com community has not only grown but THRIVED, earning the brand a much-deserved Cannes Lions 2007 award and lots of positive press.

“But what about numbers? Where’s the ROI? WHERE’S THE BEEF?!”

Feast your eyes on this, my friends! As of February, 2008, Nike+ members have:

• Run over 50,000,000 miles
• Logged over 14,000,000 runs
• Issued over 450,000 challenges
• Created “the world’s largest running club” with >75,000,000 members!!!!!!

And here’s the crown jewel:

• 40% of community members who didn’t own Nike+ ended up BUYING!
• 94% of consumers agreed to recommend NikePlus.com to a friend

When was the last time your marketing campaign yielded a 40% conversion-to-sales ratio?

I rest my case.

Now, if you STILL haven’t done so, it’s time to go ahead and vote for the Genius’ presentation here.

Catchy title, no?

Utter horseshit, yes?

YES!

I’ve said it before—and I’ll probably have to say it a zillion times again before anyone listens: YOU CAN’T CREATE “VIRAL.”

Viral is the happy by-product (or the unfortunate side-effect, depending on your perspective) of a campaign that artfully blends 6 key ingredients:

1. Value
2. Fun
3. Creativity
4. Timing
5. Distribution
6. Magical pixie dust

Ok, I’m kidding about ingredient #6. But the other five are not optional—they’re MUST-HAVEs. And they’re anything but “one size fits all”.

Recently, I had a client look me straight in the eye and say, “We need some good viral. And we need it FAST.” Some time between my desire to laugh hysterically—and cry hysterically—I found a moment to Tweet about my frustration with this ridiculous and ubiquitous request.

Here’s a quick sampling of the responses I got:

@mdurwin: Did you here this: Client asked for a viral video, I collected best ones showing kick to the groin, then asked for volunteers.

@meggiepoo: amen sister. i love it when a client says “i want to make a viral video.” it’s so adorable i want to smoosh their cheeks.

@mdaniel79: you mean there’s not a “Create viral campaign” key on your keyboard?

Sadly, no, my Mac did not come with the “create viral campaign” key. Perhaps if I upgrade my operating system?….

The next time a marketing pro or agency tells you they “do viral,” my suggestion is to run away. Fast. Or, just for giggles, ask them to show you the “create viral campaign” key on their keyboard.

Because it just doesn’t work that way. Your campaign might be brilliant, original, artful… but have no intrinsic value to the target audience—and it wont ‘catch’.

Or it could be immensely valuable but poorly distributed (read: Facebook aint a silver bullet)—and it wont catch.

It might even be useful AND strategically distributed… but boring as a conference room full of narcoleptics. If you don’t have all 5 of the first 5 ingredients… you’d better get yourself some pixie dust or kiss that promotion goodbye.

And speaking of promotion… let’s pause for a brief moment of shameless self-promotion, shall we?

The Genius is more than happy to help you—yes, even YOU—whip up some “really good viral, really fast”. So to speak.

At the very least, I’m happy to knock some sense into your boss/colleagues/clients about what viral really is and demystify the process of crafting a campaign that has the essential ingredients, and therefore, the potential to generate “tech-fueled word-of-mouth momentum” (a.k.a. BUZZ).

Gotta run… phone’s already ringin’…!

Having been retained by a company that’s making it easier for people to “do good”, The Genius has spent much time in recent months pondering the value and efficacy of cause marketing.

For the 3 of you who haven’t yet heard of cause marketing, allow me to share the official Wikipedia definition:

“Cause marketing or cause-related marketing refers to a type of marketing involving the cooperative efforts of a “for profit” business and a non-profit organization for mutual benefit. “

For the rest of you who DO know what cause marketing is, but aren’t yet investing in it… SHAME ON YOU! Not only are you guilty of being a corporate greed-monger, a.k.a. The Man, but you are also missing a GINORMOUS opportunity!

[side note: I think it’s extremely interesting that SpellCheck did not flinch when I typed the word “ginormous”—however, typing “SpellCheck” immediately brought out the little red squiggle. Truly bizarre.]

How ginormous am I talking here? Consider these numbers:

• Somewhere between 83% & 91% of Americans (in other words, just about everyone!) say that companies have a responsibility to help support causes.
• 92% have a more positive image of a company that supports a cause they care about.
• 87% are likely to switch from one product to another (price and quality being equal) if the other product is associated with a good cause
• 72% of Americans have purchased a particular brand because they know that brand supports a cause they believe in.

(All of the above data was gleaned from either the 2007 Cone Cause Survey Report or the 2007 PR Week Cause Survey.)

Those of you who shrugged those numbers off like a bad hangover, consider this: Americans are equally eager to PUNISH corporate villains as they are to reward corporate saints:

• 85% would consider switching to another company’s products or services because of a company’s negative corporate responsibility practices.
• 79% would refuse to invest in a company’s stock.
• 77% would refuse to work at a company.
• 66% would boycott a company’s products or services.

YIKES!

In addition to all of this obvious and significant sentiment in favor of socially responsible businesses, there’s also a substantial bit of evidence that “doing well by doing good” is really good for employee morale, employee retention, investor relations… and your complexion.

Ok, no hard evidence on the ‘complexion’ part, but the rest is verifiably true.

And if you and your company are not getting it—or more importantly, aren’t doing something about it—you’re buffoons!!!!

Because in spite of the fact that our great nation managed to elect a guy who can’t tell a good idea from belly button lint (not once, but TWICE, I might add!), and refers to the World Wide Web as “The Internets” (OY!)… sorry, I digress… In spite of all this idiocy, We the People do seem to have our heads on [somewhat] straight.

We care. We want to do good. And in an environment of extreme competition, far-reaching globalization, and 24/7 information—we expect, in fact, we practically DEMAND that the companies we give our hard-earned dollars to behave like good corporate citizens.

The question is… what are you [and your company] going to do about it?

Cause Marketing For Dummies

I know you’re not ALL dummies, but I think it’s safe to say that most of you are. So… The Genius shall [as usual] enlighten you in a way that will only require 3 or 4 of your 7 neurons.

Ready? Ok.

First the “Do”s:

1. Do something!
Yes, I realize that I just inadvertently said “do-do” (I have a 4-year-old son, which means no reference to potty talk goes unnoticed). The point here is that you WAKE UP from your ignorance and at a minimum, give some thought to the role cause marketing can and should play in your company’s/client’s overall strategy.

2. If [and when] you’re actually doing good, you should TELL PEOPLE!
I can understand being shy about publicizing an accounting scandal, executive office sex tapes, or class action lawsuits. But keeping your philanthropic endeavors hidden? Poppycock!

Research shows that 88% of Americans want to hear more from companies about their cause efforts—and are actively listening to what they say. So don’t be shy… inform and engage stakeholders about the good you’re doing. Trust me when I tell you it will pay off more than a celebrity endorsement, a glossy print ad, or even your run-of-the-mill Superbowl ad.

3. Align programs with business goals.
This seems like a no-brainer, but then… this IS cause marketing “for dummies”. You may be pretty, but you’re not bright. So—keep in mind that any cause marketing endeavor is doomed unless it considers deeply the issues that matter most to your customers and to your business. Alignment is key. Bullshit is not.

Now… for the all-important “Don’t”s:

1. Don’t bank on “one-offs”.
Sure, you can get some traction out of a cause-centered “promotion”. Slap a ribbon on something, jump on the “cause-of-the-month” bandwagon and color yourself happy!… Except… NO. That’s not how it works. Cause promotions might be an effective business strategy to increase short-term sales [for some], but superficial “one-offs” are not enough to build true loyalty.

Think long term, think alignment; think relationships, transformation, IMPACT. [There... now doesn't that feel better already?]

2. Don’t forget that it’s not just about consistency; it’s about authenticity.
In the same way that shills get called out on blogs and other social media platforms (ahem, Whole Foods), so will cause marketing endeavors that are nothing but a front for a company that really doesn’t care.

The real message? DON’T F**K WITH PEOPLE.

Cause marketing can be hugely effective—and equally rewarding. But you’ll find yourself—and your shareholders—in a world of pain if you try to pull the wool over the public’s eyes about your true intentions.

3. Don’t forget the “how.”
- As in, how you communicate with your employees, clients, and the public at large. Research suggests that the vast majority of people engaging in causes are made aware of the cause by family/friends. And I probably don’t have to tell you again (or do I?) what a huge role the Internet and social media play in lubricating that communication pathway [did I really just say "lubricating"?].

If good is the new black, darlings (and I do believe it may be…), then… well, we’d all better start polishing our halos (or looking for a new line of work). I don’t know about you, but I kinda like this fashion trend.

Last night I had the distinct pleasure of presenting What the F**K is Social Media? to Boston’s own Ladies Who Launch. The presentation was very well received, and man was it FUN to drop the F-bomb so many times! So much so, that I’ve decided to use a healthy dose of profanity in every presentation I write from this day forward. Doesn’t that sound f**king Genius?

Cursing aside, I must admit that in all my many years of being a Bonafide Marketing Genius, never have I so personally benefitted from the magic and momentum of this beloved thing we call the World Wide Web—and more specifically, from the magic and momentum of it’s offspring: social media.

Here’s what I mean.

At 4:00pm on July 2, 2008, I posted What the F**K is Social Media on Slideshare.net. I then sent an email to about a half dozen contacts who I thought would be interested in the material, and asked them to “vote” for it in the “World’s Greatest Presentation Contest.” A short while later, it appeared on Twitter (thanks @TDefren!) and found its way onto a few blogs, including Three Minds, Sixty Second View, Robert Paterson’s Blog, and numerous others.

By the end of the day, it had been viewed about 300 times.

By the end of the next day (July 3), >900 times.

July 4: >2700 times.

July 5: 4000 times.

As of this morning, it has been viewed >15,000 times, embedded on 209 other sites, favorited by 200 people, and [at least for now] is the most embedded slideshow this month and is in the top 25 most embedded slideshows of all time.

Meanwhile, all this buzz has resulted in >150 new Twitter followers (from all corners of the world), dozens of new connections on LinkedIn and Facebook, multiple “expertise” and speaking requests (the Genius particularly loves those!), and a Monster Truck-sized boost in blog traffic.

Do I hear a “Whoop Whoop!” By golly, I believe that I DO!

Some of you may look at these numbers and say “Big F**King deal. Who would expect any less from a Genius?” Others of you may be drooling with envy, or frozen—like a deer in headlights—at the sheer awesomeness of it. But the truth, my darlings, is that it is amazing—a true testament to the global, networked, constantly-sharing, engaged community that is the lifeblood of social media. That IS social media.

In other words, I owe it all to YOU. And I thank you. I may not be able to fit my head through the door any longer, but F**K it, I’m grateful, and I’m thrilled! Yee-HA!

In addition to arming me with juicy numbers to share and inflating my already super-sized ego, my dear online friends have also submitted a few fantastic comments that I’d like to share.

First, there was this one:

[Identity kept private since the chap sent me this little gem via email, claiming he wanted to protect ME from embarrassment. I’m not kidding.]

“I say: F**k social media . From a personal point of view: the bubble will burst again and all that is left is face-2-face communication and interaction. From a professional point of view: a service or a product that targets the baby boomers for instance will not be sold over the internet. Check the stats… And only the top 10 of strong brands will survive via on line communication, creating buzz and brand awareness, not added value.

So, why should I get on the train? Give me one good reason ☺”

Um… did you somehow skip slides 6-44? Jesus, dude. I gave you 5 REALLY good reasons—which is 5 reasons more than you have for being such a dumbass.

And this one from Roger Martin:

Terrific f**king presentation. Marta, will you run for President … please? I’m a former political and investigative journalist who has owned and managed PR firms for the past 17 years. We are leaping into social marketing, and I’ve made your slideshow required viewing for all staff. (Maybe they’ll stop hitting the porn sites?)

To which I can only respond… No, Roger, they will never stop hitting the porn sites. But a guy can dream.

The Genius has done it again: shocked the world with her astounding brilliance, wit, and [ahem] sharp tongue.

How have I done it this time?

Well, tots, they say a picture is worth a thousand words, so how about I just SHOW you:

Aptly titled “What the F**K is Social Media?”, I am throwing my oh-so-fine hat in the ring for Slideshare.net’s World’s Best Presentation contest. VOTE FOR IT, if you know what’s good for you.

All modesty aside (and I’m not known for my modesty), I am looking forward to the conversation this deck will spur. Do you love it? Do you hate it? God help me if you don’t care either way.

Well don’t just sit there… SAY SOMETHING!

Although the so-called “Social Media Press Release” (pioneered by my pals at SHIFT Communications) has received [arguably] equal doses of praise and criticism, the Genius, whose word is Gospel!—at least on this blog—has this to say about it:

PURE. UNADULTERATED. GENIUS.

For those of you unfamiliar with the Social Media Release debate, Brian Solis does an excellent job of recapping the evolution and arguments both for and against the SMR. Most of the arguments against, I’d like to point out, smack of a common syndrome I like to call “I-fear-change!”

The problem, my pretties, is that change is a-comin’. In PR, in marketing, and in media at large. And whether you get on the train now or spend the next decade chasing (or throwing stones at) it, it’s leaving the station—with or without you.

The Genius, of course, is not a PR professional, so my interest in SMR is perhaps conceptual—i.e., what value does it have for my clients? For my company? For my career? (Me, me, me!) And the short answer to all those is questions is: PLENTY.

For example: consider applying its principles—or those of the Social Media Newsroom (another SHIFT contribution)—to your resume. What if instead of keeping your entire professional history in a Word doc that you update only when you absolutely have to, you created a Social Media Resume that highlights your experience and interests, provides links to your various online profiles, invites comments, aggregates news, builds “link love”—and (if done well), becomes a virtual vacuum of career advancement opportunities? Heck, even if a social media resume doesn’t open the flood gates to opportunity, at the very least, it will save a few trees and eliminate the need to send monster-truck-sized attachments to prospective employers. And, for the time being at least, it will set you apart from the pack by [at the very least] highlighting your working knowledge of social media tools.

Think about it.

As a Genius who endeavors to practice what she preaches, I decided to do a little experimenting with the idea of a social media resume myself. First, I dug around to see if there were any good examples already out there (the Genius doesn’t like cliches, but will use one just this once: “Why reinvent the wheel?”). I found Chris Penn’s landmark example and the ubiquitous Bryan Person’s famous “Die, Resume! Die! Die! Die!” blog post (which, conveniently, included his own example and ‘how to’). There’s Rohit Bhargava’s social media bio and Matt Dickman’s social-media-enriched ‘traditional’ resume.

Armed with a satisfying portion of good ideas, I set to work on a first draft of my very own social media resume, cherry-picking among the infinite options, and surrendering to the idea that, like all things digital, it will always be a work-in-progress.

For those of you who believe that following in the Genius’ footsteps might result in a little genius rubbing up against rubbing off on you (Pervert!), here my recipe:

1. Create a Wordpress account.
2. Buy your domain name (if you don’t own http://www.YourName.com yet, first, slap yourself upside the head, then DO SOMETHING about it, puh-lease!)
3. Write a short “About me” intro. This is in effect your ‘cover letter’ or ‘executive summary’. That doesn’t mean it should be boring or lame.
4. Add all of your contact info, links to all of your social media profiles (I added LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter, Squidoo, & Slideshare—for now).
5. Add links to your blog(s) and any work samples readily available online. If your work samples aren’t yet online, consider posting them on Scribd.com, Slideshare.net or similar service.
6. Add a link to your traditional resume, so that folks that insist on killing trees can do so at their convenience.
7. Add a feed to your purpose-built del.icio.us links.
8. Consider adding any of the following: headshot, intro audio or video, your speaking/travel calendar, any rich media you’ve created (podcasts, videos, etc.), recommendations/rave reviews.
9. Turn commenting ON. This is a 2-way dialogue, remember?
10. Make it easy as possible for folks to reach you, blog about you, hire you, link to you, and so on.

For those of you wondering why it’s not enough to have a complete LinkedIn profile, I say—that’s a really good start. If you don’t have a LinkedIn profile yet, well… do not pass Go, do not collect $200… go directly to LinkedIn.com and start there.

But for those of you looking for an ‘edge’ or simply sharing Bryan’s “Resume, Die!” sentiment, this new approach just may be the ticket.