The Secret Diary of a Bonafide Marketing Genius

Hallelujah, a big brand that understands that The Future is Digital!!!!

Hats off to CMO Barry Judge and his team for waking up and smelling the roses, as it were. Hopefully, it’s contagious ;).

by kalandrakas

Dear Diary,

Is it me or does it seem odd that while 88% of marketers are using social media to “promote their brands” and “engage with consumers”, 2/3 don’t have a clue what the f*#! that means??? continue reading »

Yesterday’s WOMMA webinar, where I presented Smart Marketing in a Dumb Economy, generated a lot of excellent questions—including “how do you convince a reluctant executive to experiment with digital and social media?” “Who within an organization ‘owns’ the conversation?” and the infamous “How and what do you measure exactly?”

I did my best to answer each of them—and will post the audio of the webinar as soon as WOMMA makes it available.

But there was one question that came via email after the webinar that I couldn’t resist sharing and answering here. continue reading »

And neither will a really fat media budget… but we’ll get to that…

Two days after returning from the AdAge Digital Conference, I’m still stuck on the Earned vs. Paid Media discussion that kicked off the event. continue reading »

Recently, my pal @MarketerBlog drew my attention to this post which suggested that brands that INCREASE their marketing/ad spending during a recession stand to gain a SUBSTANTIAL competitive advantage.

Skeptical? Of course you are. Still—take a moment to consider these tasty data points (from Innovating through a Recession by Professor Andrew J. Razeghi at the Kellogg School of Management at Northwestern University):

• Increasing advertising spending during economic expansion often yields no improvement in market share, because 80% of your competitors are also increasing their spending.
• Businesses that maintained or increased their advertising spend during recession averaged higher sales growth during the following three years
• Within four years, the businesses that maintained or increased their advertising spend during that recession experienced a 256% growth in sales over those that had cut back on advertising
• A decade later, aggressive recession advertisers increased market share 2½ times the average for all businesses during the post-recession

Surprised? You shouldn’t be. It’s your basic, “Buy Low, Sell High!” strategy. Nothing new here. The problem aint that we don’t know better… it’s that we’re too busy behaving like lemmings to do what we know is right.

Hell, even the guys at The Economist are preaching a “spend more on advertising” strategy. Granted, they might just be hurting for sales… Still, they make some pretty compelling points in this well-designed, cleverly-executed pitch (worth a read, I promise):

[slideshare id=719048&doc=economist-ads-on-edge-recession-1225787269595748-9&w=425]

My take-away message? Getting through this ‘recession thang’ is a bit like driving through a blizzard. When you hit a patch of ice, instinctively, you want to turn your wheels AWAY from the direction of the skid. DON’T. Even though your knuckles are turning white and every cell in your body is screaming “TURN AWAY!!!!! AWAYYYYYYY, YOU IDIOT!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Turn IN to the skid—or kiss your sweet, scared ass goodbye.

In the past, I’ve been more than a little outspoken about the potential impact of social media as a marketing and brand-building tool. And I’ve taken my fair share of abuse from traditional marketers who’ve accused me of being stupid, drunk, insane, or all of the above (love you guys!)—but I stood my ground.

Today, I’m here to tell you not to throw the baby out with the bath water.

First of all, babies don’t like that.

Second, while the value and impact of social media as a tool for connecting with current and prospective customers continues to gain momentum (and validation!), there’s still something to be said for taking a strategic, integrated approach to building and maintaining your brand.

The truth? Some tools are better than others. For some audiences. And some products. Sometimes.

And sometimes you won’t know which marketing program will get you the best result—until you’ve tried and either failed or succeeded.

Products change. Times change. People change. Technology changes. Your job? Keep on your toes and always, always be improving.

But Genius, do you still think traditional advertising is f**ked?

Yes. And no.

Yes, it’s under threat like never before.

No, it’s not going to go away completely. Rather, it will EVOLVE. So, get ready.

My point? There aint no silver bullets, people. If you’re looking for the Holy Grail of Marketing, stop. Social Media is awesome, but it’s not going to cure cancer. And it aint going to save you from recession-induced “downsizing” if you don’t know your marketing basics from your butt crack.

So let’s review. The Basics (Genius-Style):

• Know your audience. Don’t assume, because we all know what happens when you ass-u-me. Actually get to know them. Social media is an excellent tool for that, by the way!
• Set clear, measurable goals. “Generate more revenue” is not a measurable goal. Just sayin’.
• Be strategic first; tactical second. If this statement makes no sense to you, go to amazon.com and buy yourself a copy of Marketing for Dummies. Please.
• Don’t think “marketing”; think “entertainment”. Think “value”. We’re over-saturated,  over-multi-tasked, and over-tired of being marketed to. The only chance in hell you stand of making an impact through marketing is by weaving real value into the marketing itself. Entertainment value, competitive value, social value, functional value, expressive value… any or all of the above will do.
• Plan. Yes, plan! In writing! So other native-speakers can understand it! YAY!
• Test. Live and breathe data. If it works—do it again. Do it bigger, better, faster. If it doesn’t—cut bait.
• Never, ever, EVER sacrifice design. Don’t even get me started on this one.
• Don’t be afraid to make mistakes. Just try not to make the same old ones.
• Give people something to talk about. Often.

Don’t get me wrong: I love social media. I’d rather give up chocolate than Twitter. I can hardly restrain myself from getting on my soapbox when the question, “What the f**k is social media?” is asked.

At the same time, I don’t believe in “One Size Fits All” marketing. And as a Genius—and a female one at that—you KNOW I’m always right.

At least we agree on something.

Today is the last official date for voting in the “World’s Best Presentation Contest” on SlideShare. (Speaking of which… if you haven’t yet voted for “What the F**K is Social Media?!”, DO IT NOW!!!)

Shameless self-promotion aside (but only for a minute), I thought this was a good time to address some of the questions and understandable skepticism that emerged in response to the not-so-subtle messages in said presentation.

So—let’s separate fact from fiction (or at least fact from hyperbole), shall we?

The first batch of “that can’t be right” criticism (and downright bitch-i-tude—you know who you are) was doled out in response to the following statements (from slides 11-16):

73% of active online users have read a blog

45% have started their own blog

39% subscribe to an RSS feeds

57% have joined a social network

55% have uploaded photos

83% have watched video clips

And now, for the shocking truth:
The Genius herself was more than a bit surprised by these numbers. You might even say they were the inspiration for the big ole “F**K!” that became the content of slide 46.

But the fact is, I didn’t pull them out of my cute little ass… they actually came from Universal McCann’s Comparative Study on Social Media Trends, April 2008, and they’re based on a series of surveys they conducted with over 17,000 respondents across 29 countries.

In Universal McCann’s own words:

“All surveys are self completion and the data collected is entirely quantitative. Every market is representative of the 16-54 Active Internet Universe. In this Wave 17,000 internet users in 29 countries were interviewed. To be included you need to be using the internet everyday or every other day.”

So, there!

The next pile of skeptical poo was flung at these juicy tidbits:

Only 18% of TV ad campaigns generate positive ROI

90% of people who can skip TV ads, do.

Only 14% of people trust advertisements

And did these little beauties come from betwixt my perfectly peach-shaped buns?

Again—NO.

They came from a useful little book called Connected Marketing: The Viral, Buzz and Word of Mouth Revolution by Justin Kirby and Paul Marsden (buy a copy here).

Just for giggles, take a look at some of the other painfully compelling data you’ll find within its pages:

Average return in sales for every $1 spent on advertising: 54 cents!!!

The increase in TV advertising costs (CPM) in the past decade: 256%

Proportion of B2B marketing campaigns resulting in falling sales: 84%

The increase needed in advertising spend to add 1-2% in sales: 100%

Say it with me now: YIKES!!!!!!!!!!

Last but not least, a few people got their panties all in a bunch about the use of http://www.mystarbucksidea.com and the apparent lack of “real” case studies or ROI data.

[Here’s me rolling my eyes]

So, fine, I’ll satisfy your incessant and moderately annoying need for numbers by providing you with a few details on NikePlus.com (others to follow in future posts—maybe). If you want to learn more NOW, you’ll just have to hire me or invite me to speak at your next event.

Here goes:

The Genius Behind NikePlus.com!

Nike’s social media play did two things that most brands fall shamefully short on:

1) They created a playground for anyone passionate about the activity enabled by the product (whether they owned Nike products or not)
2) They enabled relationship-building with consumers who do own their product(s) that goes way beyond the initial purchase.

And here’s how they did it….

First, the smart folks at Nike recognized 3 simple things about their target audience:

1. People who love to run, love to listen to music while running
2. People who love to listen to music while running typically use an iPod to do so
3. People who love to run like to measure and track their distance/time

Next, the smart folks at Nike created an online experience that caters directly to these three user objectives. They partnered with Apple to bring iTunes into the mix, offering celebrity running mixes (and a whole lot more), and developed products and online tools (like the ability to track runs, challenge other runners in the community, and engage in competitive events locally) that supported and enhanced the offline experience.

Since its launch in May 2006, the NikePlus.com community has not only grown but THRIVED, earning the brand a much-deserved Cannes Lions 2007 award and lots of positive press.

“But what about numbers? Where’s the ROI? WHERE’S THE BEEF?!”

Feast your eyes on this, my friends! As of February, 2008, Nike+ members have:

• Run over 50,000,000 miles
• Logged over 14,000,000 runs
• Issued over 450,000 challenges
• Created “the world’s largest running club” with >75,000,000 members!!!!!!

And here’s the crown jewel:

• 40% of community members who didn’t own Nike+ ended up BUYING!
• 94% of consumers agreed to recommend NikePlus.com to a friend

When was the last time your marketing campaign yielded a 40% conversion-to-sales ratio?

I rest my case.

Now, if you STILL haven’t done so, it’s time to go ahead and vote for the Genius’ presentation here.

Catchy title, no?

Utter horseshit, yes?

YES!

I’ve said it before—and I’ll probably have to say it a zillion times again before anyone listens: YOU CAN’T CREATE “VIRAL.”

Viral is the happy by-product (or the unfortunate side-effect, depending on your perspective) of a campaign that artfully blends 6 key ingredients:

1. Value
2. Fun
3. Creativity
4. Timing
5. Distribution
6. Magical pixie dust

Ok, I’m kidding about ingredient #6. But the other five are not optional—they’re MUST-HAVEs. And they’re anything but “one size fits all”.

Recently, I had a client look me straight in the eye and say, “We need some good viral. And we need it FAST.” Some time between my desire to laugh hysterically—and cry hysterically—I found a moment to Tweet about my frustration with this ridiculous and ubiquitous request.

Here’s a quick sampling of the responses I got:

@mdurwin: Did you here this: Client asked for a viral video, I collected best ones showing kick to the groin, then asked for volunteers.

@meggiepoo: amen sister. i love it when a client says “i want to make a viral video.” it’s so adorable i want to smoosh their cheeks.

@mdaniel79: you mean there’s not a “Create viral campaign” key on your keyboard?

Sadly, no, my Mac did not come with the “create viral campaign” key. Perhaps if I upgrade my operating system?….

The next time a marketing pro or agency tells you they “do viral,” my suggestion is to run away. Fast. Or, just for giggles, ask them to show you the “create viral campaign” key on their keyboard.

Because it just doesn’t work that way. Your campaign might be brilliant, original, artful… but have no intrinsic value to the target audience—and it wont ‘catch’.

Or it could be immensely valuable but poorly distributed (read: Facebook aint a silver bullet)—and it wont catch.

It might even be useful AND strategically distributed… but boring as a conference room full of narcoleptics. If you don’t have all 5 of the first 5 ingredients… you’d better get yourself some pixie dust or kiss that promotion goodbye.

And speaking of promotion… let’s pause for a brief moment of shameless self-promotion, shall we?

The Genius is more than happy to help you—yes, even YOU—whip up some “really good viral, really fast”. So to speak.

At the very least, I’m happy to knock some sense into your boss/colleagues/clients about what viral really is and demystify the process of crafting a campaign that has the essential ingredients, and therefore, the potential to generate “tech-fueled word-of-mouth momentum” (a.k.a. BUZZ).

Gotta run… phone’s already ringin’…!

Note: Names and identities have been changed to protect the innocent.

My friend “Jane,” a whip-smart marketing professional with a sharp eye and devilishly good looks, called me over the weekend in a state of near-homicidal rage over the fact that her boss had “once again climbed 10 feet up my ass” (her ass, not mine, of course). Naturally, I probed her for details (get your mind out of the gutter), and after a 5-minute swear-fest that would make a sailor blush, she managed to divulge the following:

Jane had joined the marketing team of this very-hip-and-innovative-Web-2.0 company just a few short months ago. Since then, she’s worked till her fingers bled, breathing life into their lead-generation engine, turning wimp-a-rific brand messages into clever, compelling gems, and single-handedly orchestrating a multi-channel marketing program so precise and well-timed that it could make a Swiss watch turn green with envy. What’s more, Jane was creative and frugal in her efforts—spending a teeny-weeny fraction of what her dim-witted boss spends on hair plugs and hookers each month—and her impressive arsenal of non-traditional marketing tricks paid off:

- 385% increase in registered users
- 6-fold increase in website traffic, yielding 3x the number of page views
- 200% Conversation Index
- 20% jump in Technorati “Authority” rank

And all of the above results were achieved within the first 45 days of the program. Not too shabby.

And that’s precisely when Jane’s boss, anti-genius that he is, woke up one morning (probably feeling particularly anxious about his receding hairline and his growing need for ever more Viagra to “get the job done”—but I’m just guessing), and marched into her office proclaiming that “user acquisition costs were too high” and therefore, her budget would be reduced by 70%, effective immediately.

Yes, I’m serious.

Yes, he’s an idiot.

Obviously, this course of action put a kink in Jane’s ability to continue producing the kind of dramatic results previously described. And when user acquisition rates took a sharp dive south, just weeks after Anti-Genius put the kibosh on the only successful marketing program his fledgling company had ever seen, he marched back into her office, denounced the possibility that the lack of actual marketing activity might be responsible for the lack of new business, and proclaimed, “The problem, Jane, is that the messaging is all wrong.”

DOH!

This logic is the metaphoric equivalent of training daily and vigorously for the Olympics (and watching your level of fitness and athletic skill improve accordingly), then suddenly becoming a complete couch potato. After a month of eating bon-bons and watching soap operas, you realize that you’re not in the Olympics as planned… and conclude that if only you’d worn a red shirt instead of a blue one, that gold medal would have been yours!

JESUS CHRIST.

This reminds me of the old adage that I continually try to impress upon my children: You reap what you sow.

Don’t think that you can plant sunflowers and grow roses. If you plant sunflowers, you’ll get sunflowers.
And perhaps, more importantly, don’t expect anything to grow if you don’t care for and nurture the garden itself—constantly. Water, sunlight, food, love. In Jane’s case, the “garden” required cash, creativity, and a whole lot of “measure, rinse, and [improve or] repeat”—all of which she was 150% committed to. Until the Anti-Genius (distant cousin of the Anti-Christ) decided to get involved.

My message to Jane?

First, find yourself a new boss, preferably one that isn’t such an idiot.

Second, never send a CEO to do a smart marketer’s job.

Period.

Last week, I shared my not-so-humble thoughts on the “Do’s” of social media marketing. And while most of you are probably still recovering from the shame caused by facing your ignorance, I feel it’s my responsibility to finish what I started.

And hence, here are the “DONTs”.

Social Media Marketing “DONT’s”:

1. Don’t expect a windfall.
It’s very tempting to be seduced by the promise of overnight success now that the Internet has become a communication platform for all. Lord knows any idiot can get his or her 15 minutes of virtual fame, simply by making a public ass of himself online. Take this guy, for instance. Not only has his desperate plea to “Leave Britney alone!” been watched over 13 million times (Jesus, people), but has also earned over 2000 video “responses,” 200,000 comments, and been “favorited” 34,000 times. Last I heard the eyeliner-slathered youth behind this bit of viral history was on CNN or The Today Show or some other network media outlet that calls itself “News”. Heck, I even saw a death threat aimed at the little video star posted on YouTube this morning. You know you’ve “arrived” when anonymous morons are expressing their homophobic rage and threatening to kill you. How American!

But I digress. My point was to assure you that although the occasional freak of nature does occur, most social media marketing efforts don’t earn this kind of infamy. I’m not saying it can’t happen; just that you need to align your expectations with reality. Lest you get your little heart broken.

2. Don’t lie.
This might seem obvious, but I swear, not a day goes by that I don’t see some corporate poser trying to “fake” their way onto a blog, making ridiculous claims about their product/service while pretending to be Jane Doe from Anytown, USA.

Haven’t we learned enough from the Whole Foods blogging debacle?

But don’t take my word for it (lest you believe a GENIUS!). Take a gander at this public flogging I ran across on BzzAgent’s “90 Days” blog some time ago:

Yesterday, I sat in on a break-out session about buzz marketing with ten fellow lux delegates who are involved in getting the word out about various brands. The talk was all about how to get and build word of mouth.

The president of a start-up company called SwingJuice, a new high-end energy/sports drink aimed primarily at golfers, told us about how he took a bunch of samples to a golf tournament and gave them out to the staff at the hotel where the golfers were staying. Pretty soon the bell staff and bartenders were chatting up the golfers, who started swigging the stuff, and, before long, SwingJuice was the talk of the tournament. (I tried it today after a six-mile run, workout, sauna, and a Lavender Escape back, neck, and scalp massage — it was pretty good.)

Everyone at the round table liked the SwingJuice approach to seeding WOM.

But then came Dr. Evil, the president of a marketing communications and pr firm based in New York. His idea? To promote their products, companies should write stealth posts on relevant blogs, pretending to be regular people, but actually talking up the product. Wine companies infiltrating wine-lovers’ blogs. Hotel companies anonymously recommending themselves to visitors to travel sites.

I said, “People will know that the corporate commenters are fakes.”

Another guy said, “It’s wrong. Don’t mess with the genuine nature of blogging.”

Dr. Evil didn’t say any more. But I doubt he was chastened. So watch out for shills on your favorite sites.

And here’s a user response to the thread:

“I frequent a gardening forum, and it is incredibly obvious when someone tries to sneak in a shill post. The Dr. Evils of the world tend to underestimate how well the on-line community regulars know each other.

Usually the shill will post something along the lines of, “Has anyone tried the new Super-Duper Plant? I just got one and it’s the best plant ever.” Someone will immediately look at the poster’s member page and find out that the poster just registered today and will then start suggesting that the post is a shill. The funny thing is, if the shill posted something along the lines of “I work for XYZ Flower Company and we’re very excited about our new Super-Duper Plant. I’d love to hear your experiences or reactions to the plant.”, then they would get a lot of genuine responses and they would succeed in generating buzz about their product.

Remember, the basic currency of all social media is sharing, engagement, authenticity and community. If you can’t resist the urge to cheat, I suggest you save it for your tax return. I hear the IRS is a lot more lenient on the issue of fraud these days (thanks, Dubs!).

3. Don’t assume it will be “free” or even cheap.
I know how disappointing this must sound. And to be fair, you can get a decent amount of mileage out of things like Facebook pages and good ole fashioned email. But… and this is a BIG but (not a big butt)… time is money, which means that even if you’re going to piggyback off of another campaign or reuse creative assets, there’s still the cost of planning, executing, and measuring your efforts.

Then again, at $5.50 an hour, maybe your time actually is pretty cheap?

Well, even if you do get that 25 cent raise, I still say that if you’re going to build social media marketing into your plan, you’ve got to build it into your budget, too.

4. Don’t give up too quickly.
You know the old saying, “Winners never quit and quitters never win”? Well, it applies to social media marketing as much as it does to dominos. Sure, you might launch the next great ElfYourself campaign and retire to a private island three months later… but more than likely, you’ll have to take a few turns at bat before you hit a home run.

Dear God, did I really just use a baseball metaphor?!

Clearly, the Genius must rest.

TTFN, my pretties!