The Secret Diary of a Bonafide Marketing Genius

by kalandrakas

Dear Diary,

Is it me or does it seem odd that while 88% of marketers are using social media to “promote their brands” and “engage with consumers”, 2/3 don’t have a clue what the f*#! that means???

SCARY!

Perhaps it’s this discrepancy that has led to blasphemous acts like this one, PR disasters like this one and lapses of judgment like this one?

It’s easy of course to sit up here on my High Horse of Geniusness and poke fun at lesser marketers… but what choice do I have? And furthermore… shouldn’t there be some kind of fine for committing random acts of dumbness? I don’t mean your run-of-the-mill “oops, I forgot to zip up my fly” dumbness. I’m talking about the “I forgot to proofread my rife-with-typos proposal letter in which I make a big stink about my Unparalleled Attention to Detail” kind of dumbness.

Honestly, who has patience for that crap?

But, as usual, I digress. (sorry)

The point that I’m lackadaisically meandering toward is this:
Social media playtime is OVER (*yes, that’s actually the title of a Forrester Research study published in December 2008. It costs $749 to download. And here I am giving you the Cliffs Notes, gratis. You may kiss the hand.*). It’s time to behave like professionals. I suggest we begin by saying the Social Media Serenity Prayer:

“Lord grant me the courage to thoroughly explore the world of social media on behalf of myself and my customers before plundering ahead like a bull in a china shop; the strength to accept [and admit] the fact that I might not know what the f**k I’m doing; and the wisdom to know when to ask for help. Amen.”

I don’t mean to be so harsh, Diary… it’s just that you wouldn’t get behind the wheel of a car and start driving without first taking a few lessons, would you?

You wouldn’t offer to prepare a fancy 5-course French dinner if the only thing you’ve ever cooked in your life was toast, would you?

You wouldn’t run the Boston Marathon without doing a little training first, would you?

WOULD YOU??!!

No of course not… because you’re just a Diary.

But even if you were more (so much more!)… you would still be quite off your rocker to dive head-first into a whole new world of marketing—one that is fundamentally and unequivocally different than the world you’re used to—without at least getting counsel from someone who knows what the f**k they’re talking about.

Am I right? AM I RIGHT???!!!!

[sigh]

On the other hand, 88% of adults are procreating and 2/3 of them don’t have a clue how to be a decent parent—but that’s not stopping anyone! So maybe I should just shut up now.

Good talk, Diary. As always…. Good talk.