The Secret Diary of a Bonafide Marketing Genius

Several weeks ago I was “tagged” by the Online Marketer with the dreaded “7 Things” meme. A few days later, a similar meme made its way to me via Facebook—only this time, the stakes were raised: 25 Random Things were required. [DOH!]

Never one to be a spoil-sport, I decided to approach this task with a little creativity. We’ll call it  “tagging mashup”.

TAGGING MASHUP:
Instead of posting “7 Random Things About Me,” I’m going to post 6 Random Things About Other People and just one that’s actually about me.

So… Place your bets. Make it into a drinking game. Or just kick up your heels and see how good you are at teasing out the truth from the fibs. “Answers” posted in fine print at the very bottom.

Without further ado…

7 Random Things [...One of Which is Actually] About Me:

1. I am so hot that I am forced to wear fire retardant underwear for fear of spontaneously combusting at the most inappropriate moments, such as the time I burst into flame at Ricardo Montalban’s memorial service and, regrettably, set the man’s Escape from the Planet of the Apes costume aflame. So embarrassing. I am banned from the Hollywood Forever Funeral Home (appropriately) forever.

2. I used to be a man, but found all that body hair and beer-drinking to be… soooo unladylike. So I had a little “procedure.” Hey, why fight Mama Nature, right?

3. I habitually lose my wallet. And habitually get it back. Total waste of karma.

4. After I had sex for the first time, I called my grandma and told her. Her response? “That’s wonderful!”

5. This is my favorite YouTube video. Ever.

6. Ladies love me, girls adore me—I mean even the ones who never saw me.

7. I was born in Communist Russia. My grandparents often speak of what life was like under Stalin. Oddly, I hear it’s a lot like living there now.

DRINK!

***

And now for the truth:

#1 FALSE. Written by brilliant copywriter Brook Long who was last seen wearing flame retardant underpants somewhere near Mann’s Chinese Theatre.

#2 FALSE. Totally made that up b/c I needed an excuse to use that hot naked guy photo in this post. Sue me.

#3 & #4 FALSE. Both of these were written by another brilliant writer/friend who shall go unnamed to protect her privacy (love ya, Melissa!)

#5 FALSE. Definitely one of my favorites, but perhaps not the MOST favorite. Thanks to @ClarkleSparkle for introducing me to it.

#6 FALSE. Actually the lyrics from Rob Base’s “It Takes Two.” Oldie but a goodie.

#7 TRUE. Though technically I was born in Odessa, which is in the Ukraine, but back then it was all just one big happy USSR.